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I tried it once—don’t judge me, Flanders! Was mad stressed, haulin’ cargo deadlines up my ass. Walked in, dim lights, weird music—like “The Assassin” vibes, all mysterious. Lady’s like, “Relax, big guy,” and I’m thinkin’, “D’oh! This ain’t no chiropractor!” Hands slidin’ everywhere—felt like a greased pig at a fair. Happy? Hell yeah! Surprised? You betcha—didn’t know toes could feel that sexy. Angry part? Cost me two weeks of Duff money—rip-off!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy starts playing the violin outside. And let me tell you, he was GOOD. Like, I’m talking heart-wrenching, tear-jerking good. I’m getting all emotional, and my client’s just like, “What’s wrong with you?” I’m like, “Dude, can’t you feel the vibes?”

Obituary for Zoltan Kegyes