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Picture this: seedy parlor, neon sign flickering "Massage" like it’s winking at you. Walked in once—pure curiosity, swear—smelled like lavender and regret. Lady says, “Relax, hon,” but her eyes scream, “I hate my life.” Everybody lies, told ya. Hands sliding everywhere, kneading crap I didn’t know was tense. Felt good, sure, but also pissed me off—why’s this not free? Capitalism screws us again. Little factoid: ancient Rome had these “massage” joints too—called ‘em *lupanars*. Fancy word for rub-and-tug. History’s kinky, who knew?

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I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks, right? Rushed out the door, coffee in hand, and headed to the library. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Hey, maybe today won’t suck.” Spoiler alert: it did.

Hungarian PM calls for peace, independence while hailing national hero