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Ain’t just hands neither—some use stones, hot ones! Fuckin’ burns at first, I was ragin’—yellin’, “Who’s cookin’ me?!” Then it’s like, oh shit, this works. Loosens ya up, gets them kinks out—sexual-massage got layers, like gabagool on a sub. Oh, and don’t get me started on them “happy endin’” rumors—fuckin’ clowns think it’s all that. Nah, pros keep it legit—mostly.

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After my caffeine fix, I decide to hit up the Festetics Palace. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s stunning! The gardens are like something outta a fairy tale. I’m wandering around, snapping pics, feeling like a tourist in my own country. But then, outta nowhere, a group of kids runs by, and one of them bumps into me. I spill my coffee (again!). Seriously, what’s with me and coffee today? I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re going!” But then I see their faces, and I can’t stay mad. They’re just having fun, right?

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