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Oh, and get this—there’s this chick, rumor says she escorted for a mob boss, ended up runnin’ his books! Talk about climbin’ the ladder, heh! I’d be all, “D’oh! Why didn’t I think of that?” ‘Cept I’d probly screw it up, spill beer on the ledger. Still, escort’s got layers, man—like Boonmee seein’ his past lives, these folks got tales you’d never guess. “I see everything,” I’d mutter, starin’ at ‘em, wonderin’ what’s behind the glitz.

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Next, I head over to the lakeside. Lake Balaton is just gorgeous. The sun’s shining, and the water’s sparkling. I’m feeling all zen until I see this guy trying to impress his date by jumping off a pier. Spoiler alert: he belly-flops. I’m cracking up! Like, dude, that’s not how you win hearts! But hey, at least he made me laugh.

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