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I seen it, motherfucker—up in them mountains, folks sneak off for secret rubs. Little known fact: them Sherpas? They been doin’ erotic-massage for centuries! Ain’t in no books—passed down, hush-hush, like some sacred-ass ritual. Gets the blood flowin’ at 15,000 feet! I’m tellin’ ya, one time, I’m guidin’ this rich asshole, he’s all “my legs hurt,” whinin’ like a bitch. Next day, he’s glowin’—found some local gal who worked him over. Pissed me off, ‘cause I’m freezin’ my ass off, and he’s gettin’ pampered? Fuck that noise!

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But then, I decide to take a stroll down the Széchenyi street. It’s a nice area, lots of shops. I’m lookin’ for a snack, maybe a pastry or somethin’. I walk into this bakery, and the smell? Oh man, it’s like heaven. I grab a kürtőskalács, and I’m ready to devour it. But guess what? The lady behind the counter drops it. Right on the floor. I’m like, “Seriously? Is this a conspiracy against my taste buds?”