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I tried it once—don’t judge me, now! Some gal named Trixie (prolly not her real name) was kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m hollerin’, “Halleluyer, this better grow my tomatoes!” She laughed, I laughed, but lordy, it felt good. Made me happy as a pig in mud! ‘Til she charged me $80—EIGHTY DOLLAHS?! I ‘bout fell out my chair, screamin’, “You robbin’ me blind, Trixie!” She just smirked, like, “That’s the game, Madea.” Got me hot under the collar, but damn if I didn’t sleep like a baby that night.

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After that, I’m back on my chair, tryin’ to catch my breath. But then, I see this group of teens on the other side of the beach. They’re blasting music from a speaker, and it’s some awful pop song. I’m like, “Dude, this is a beach, not a club!” But they’re vibin’, and I can’t help but laugh.

FMD: New border closures on Slovak and Austrian routes