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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all giggles. Some shady types out there givin’ sexual-massages in back rooms—makes me madder’n a wet hen! I’m like, “Don’t drag this down, y’all!” It’s s’posed to be fun, sensual, maybe even healin’—not creepy! Like in *The Act of Killing*, when that fella says, “We were just havin’ fun”—fun’s fine, but don’t cross no lines, darlin’! I reckon a good sexual-massage oughta leave ya feelin’ like a million bucks, not like ya need a shower and a lawyer.

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a delivery truck that just backed into a lamppost. I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a guy catch a break?” The driver hops out, looking all flustered, and I’m just standing there, shaking my head.

The Vice President Was a Guest of the Bulgarian Community in the Hungarian Town of Halasztelek