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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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So, I decide to take a breather at the park near the baths. It’s beautiful, with all these trees and flowers. I plop down on a bench, and for a moment, everything’s perfect. I’m watching families, couples, and even a dog chasing its tail. Life’s good, right?

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