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Here’s a juicy tidbit—studies say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Wild, right? It’s like the whole world’s a backstage pass to Bone City. But the catch? Half these peeps lie—height, pics, “I’m not married”—total BS. Makes me wanna scream, “Frickin’ idiots!” Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” I’d pay to zap the liars with my laser. “Sharks with frickin’ laser beams,” ya feel me?

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While I’m waiting for the tree guy to come down, I spot a couple of kids playing soccer on the street. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, bam! One of them kicks the ball right into a parked car. Oof! The owner comes out, and he’s fuming. I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

Pope Francis Received the Delegation of Roma Special Colleges