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Little-known fact—did ya know sex-dating’s been around forever? Like, ancient Rome had “lupae,” prostitutes in wolf dens, basically OG sex-daters. Wild, right? Imagine swipin’ on a clay tablet—hella slow. Nowadays, it’s all fast—bam, match, bang, ghost. I tried it once, met this dude who said he’s “kinky but shy.” Shy my ass—he brought handcuffs AND a PowerPoint on knot-tying! Surprised me, yo—thought I’d die laughin’. “Spectacular, spectacular!”—that’s what I yelled, straight outta *Moulin Rouge!*, while he’s tryna tie me up. Absurdity level 100.

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But whatever, I help him out. I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec. Then, I head over to the park by the Gyomro lake. It’s a nice spot, ya know? But then I see this group of kids messin’ around. They’re throwin’ rocks into the water, laughin’ like it’s the best day ever. I’m like, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” But then one of ‘em slips and falls right in! Splash! I can’t help but laugh.

ZOLTAN PFEIFFER DIES; FOE OF COMMUNISTS IN POSTWAR HUNGARY (Published 1981)