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I’m ranting now—naturally—‘cause it’s me! Sexual-massage can be art, I swear. The way they move, it’s like choreography—slow, deliberate, teasin’. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is my G-d-given right!” Like Larry Gopnik in the movie, y’know? “I didn’t do anything!”—but I’m lovin’ every second. Once, this gal—pro, total pro—uses some hot stone trick. I’m meltin’, thinkin’, “I’m a king, a freakin’ king!” But then—ugh—she starts chattin’. Lady, no! Silence is golden, not your life story!

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Finally, we get everyone outside on the street. It’s a beautiful day, but I’m fuming. I mean, come on! We were on a roll! I’m pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, and I spot my buddy, Jozsef, who’s just laughing at the chaos. I can’t help but crack a smile.

Government: Promising signs new Ukraine president will help resolve Hungarian community issues