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Lemme tell ya somethin’—I tried it once. Matched with this chick, bio said “adventurous.” Thought, “Hell yeah, jackpot.” Turns out, “adventurous” meant she wanted to bang in a cemetery. I’m like, “What is this, a rendition site?” Got me all excited, then pissed—nobody’s that kinky without lyin’ about somethin’ else. Probably married. Everybody lies, told ya. Shoulda known, like when Maya in the movie’s screamin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—except I didn’t find shit but a headache.

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After that, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I head over to the local bakery on Petőfi utca. I grab a slice of strudel, and it’s heavenly. I mean, who knew Fehergyarmat had such bomb desserts? I’m practically in heaven.

George Sarkadi Obituary - Worthington, OH