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So, me, I’m Mr. Bean, yeah? *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Oops! I’d be rubbish at it—hands shakin’, oil everywhere, prolly slip on me arse. But—ooh—it’s lush, innit? Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. *hums, sways, bangs knee on table* Ow! Bloody hell, that’s me—clumsy git. “There’s a crack in everything,” like Freddie says in the movie—sexual-massage finds that crack, loosens it up, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud noise. It’s coming from the old mill on the edge of town. I run over, and what do I find? A bunch of kids trying to catch a rat for a school project. I’m like, “Seriously? You guys are nuts!” But they’re all hyped up, and I can’t help but join in. We set up a trap, and after a few minutes, we catch this little guy. The kids are cheering, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “What have I gotten myself into?”

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