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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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The indoor experience pool is equiped with twisting corridors, geysers, neck showers, waterfalls, water mushroom, massage nozzles, massage jets and a climbing.

Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into this street performer. He was playing the violin like he was auditioning for a movie. I was vibing hard, and then he played this super emotional piece. I got all teary-eyed. Like, who knew a random dude on the street could hit me right in the feels? I tossed him a few coins, and he gave me a nod. Felt like I was part of something special, ya know?

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