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So, this one time, I’m sprawled out, dim lights, some weird incense burnin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rub!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles singin’! But then—BOOM—she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, tryna upsell me. Pissed me off! I ain’t no cash cow, lady! Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—ya think it’s chill, then WHAM, hidden chaos! “You’re a wild man, Tom,” she says—nah, I’m just tryna relax, not star in your porno!

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just like that! The whole café goes dark. People are freaking out, and I’m just sitting there, half-laughing, half-panicking. The barista pulls out his phone for light, and we’re all like, “Great, now we’re in a horror movie.”

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