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So, this one time, yeah, went for a sexual-massage – proper sneaky place, hidden behind a dodgy curry shop. Smelled like cumin and lust, ha! Lass there, she’s all “relax, big man,” and I’m like, *mumbles* “err, okey-dokey!” Hands slidin’, oil everywhere – felt like a bleedin’ eel! *flails arms* Made me happy, oh yes, tension gone, poof! But angry too – cost me a tenner extra for “special touch.” Cheeky sods!

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After that, I head to the local café on Kossuth Lajos utca. I order a coffee, and the barista? She’s super nice. We chat about the weather, and I’m like, “Yeah, it’s Hungary, it’s always unpredictable.” She laughs, and I’m like, “See? I’m funny!” But then, my coffee spills all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been in a food fight.

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