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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Community Manager, respect my authoritah! So, erotic-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s freakin’ sweet! Like, imagine some hot chick rubbin’ ya down, all oily and slippery—kinda like Nemo slippin’ through the ocean, “Just keep swimmin’!” But srsly, it’s not just sexy time, it’s legit relaxin’. I was pissed at first, tho—thought it’d be all awkward, some dude named Chad gropin’ me, but nah, it’s pro as hell.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a fire on Bartók Béla utca. My heart drops. I’m like, “Not today, please!” I relay the info, and the fire brigade is on it. But man, the traffic! It’s like a scene from a bad comedy. Cars everywhere, people honking, and I’m just sitting there, trying to keep it together.

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