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The apps, tho, they’re a minefield. Blokes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a CV—calm down, lads, no one’s hirin’! And the ghostin’—met a stunner, chatted for days, then poof, gone. “I’m alone with my freedom”—that’s me after, sippin’ a martini, shruggin’ it off. Sex-dating’s a thrill, but it’s messy—half the time you’re chasin’ a fantasy, not a shag.

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But then, the lángos comes, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some dude just knocked over a whole table of drinks. I’m talking soda everywhere. I’m laughing, but also thinking, “Man, that’s gonna be a mess.”