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Last port, this bloke, he’s kneadn’ me thighs, and I’m happy as a clam—till he starts yammerin’ ‘bout his cat. Cat?! Ruined it, ye bilge rat! I’m ragin’, thinkin’, “Focus, ye twit, me knotty muscles need love!” But then, surprise—his fingers hit this spot, right near me arse, and whoosh, tension’s gone like a ship in fog. Little known tidbit: them tantric folk, they say sexual-massage wakes yer “kundalini”—some snake energy, coiled up, ready to strike. Felt that, I did—shiver me timbers!

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So, I roll into work at my little spot on Fő utca, right? The smell of fresh coffee beans hits me like a warm hug. I’m all set to brew some magic. But then, boom! The espresso machine decides to throw a tantrum. Like, seriously? It’s like it knew I needed it to work. I’m standing there, staring at it like it’s gonna magically fix itself. Spoiler: it didn’t.

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