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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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Finally, he unloads the goods, and I’m like a kid in a candy store. Fresh cuts, sausages, the works! I start organizing everything, and then I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a street performer doin’ some wild tricks. He’s juggling knives! I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I do that for a living!” But he’s got a crowd, and they’re lovin’ it.

Free public access to Lake Balaton beaches around the corner?