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Oh, and the typos – sory, fat fingers! *wiggles hands* Apps are dodgy too – fake pics everywhere! Saw a gal’s snap, turns up, she’s 80! *jaw drops, falls off chair* Nearly choked on me tea! Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Like, in “The Pianist”, he’s dodgin’ bombs, I’m dodgin’ catfish! *crawls under table, pops up* “I cannot risk it!” – that’s me, deletin’ Tinder again! Still, gets me ticker racin’ – better than telly! What’s yer take, eh? *leans in, trips, lands on face* Oof, classic Bean!

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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But then, just as I’m feelin’ like a champ, I drop one. It rolls right into the street. A car swerves to miss it, and I’m like, “Oh no!” But the driver just laughs. “Nice catch!” he yells. I’m mortified, but hey, at least I made someone’s day.

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