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I’m tellin’ ya, first time I got one—surprise, motherfucker! Dude’s hands were like magic, hittin’ spots I didn’t know I had. Thought in my head: “Am I allowed to moan?” Shit’s intense, like Boonmee seein’ his dead wife— “You’re still beautiful!”—but it’s just me and some oiled-up truth. Pro tip: find a legit joint, not some sketchy alley crap. Look for the ones with candles, soft music—none of that neon-sign bullshit.

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Then, this old dude walks in. He’s got this wild white beard, lookin’ like Santa. He sits down and says, “Make me look young again!” I’m like, “Sure, but I can’t work miracles!” We both crack up. I give him a fresh cut, and he’s all smiles. “You’re a magician!” he says. I’m like, “Nah, just a barber with a dream!”

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