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What pisses me off? Blokes who judge em. Like, live and let live, yeah? “Oldboy” taught me – “Laugh, and the world laughs with you.” These girls, they’re hustlin, survivin, same as us. Once met this escort, Leilani, sassy as hell – told me she paid her way through uni shaggin tourists. Fair play, I say! Shocked me, sure, but damn, respect. She had that smirk, like, “Even if my life’s a lie, I chose it.” Straight outta the movie, that energy.

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Then, I stroll down to the Danube. Man, the view is just stunning. The river glistening, the boats cruising by. I take a deep breath, and for a moment, everything feels right. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my kifli! I’m waving my arms like a madman, yelling, “Not today, bird!” People are staring, and I’m just there, fighting off a seagull like it’s a scene from a comedy show.

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