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Now, I’m ramblin’ like a toff at a toga party, but hear me out. Watched *The Great Beauty* again last night – cor, what a film! Jep Gambardella, that suave geezer, floatin’ through Rome, all decadent and lush. Reminds me of erotic-massage, it does. “The most important thing I discovered,” Jep says, “is the smell of the houses.” That’s it, ain’t it? The vibe! Walk into one of them parlours – candles flickerin’, oil slickin’ about, that musky whiff hittin’ you like a Latin hymn. *O tempora, o mores!* Times and morals, shiftin’ like a dodgy massage table.

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14 men and 48 women were arrested during the four-day operation from Feb 28 to March 2 and are being investigated, said the police.

So, I’m trying to get them to settle down, right? We’re in the living room, and I’m like, “Let’s play a game!” But noooo, they wanna watch some weird cartoon about talking vegetables. I mean, what even is that? I’m all for healthy eating, but c’mon!

Obituary: Daniel Scarpiello