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I reckon it’s like that line from my fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*— “You can hide things in words.” Sex-dating’s all ‘bout that! Profiles sayin’ “just chillin’,” but we know what’s up. Sneaky bastards. Gets me riled up, tho—folks lyin’ bout wantin’ “deep talks” when they just wanna bang. C’mon, own it! Made me mad as a wet hen once, matchin’ with this gal who swore she loved poetry—turns out, only poetry she knew was sextin’ emojis.

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First off, I head down to the main square, Trg Slobode. It’s usually pretty quiet, but today? Nah, it’s packed! Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re at a rock concert. I’m just tryna get my coffee from that little café, you know, the one on the corner of Ulica Istarskog Razvoda. I’m in line, and this guy in front of me drops his phone. Boom! Cracked screen. I’m like, “Dude, welcome to the club.” I mean, who doesn’t have a cracked screen these days?

Mark Pazin concedes to Esmeralda Soria in very tight race for Assembly District 27