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I tried it once, swear it! Some dude in Maui, back in ’99—total sketchball. Said he’d “heal my soul” with coconut oil. Don’t pee on my leg, buddy—I felt more groped than healed! Hands everywhere, like he’s auditioning for an alien skin-peelin’ scene. Made me mad as hell—$50 for that?! But, gotta admit, kinda thrilling too—like, whoa, what’s next?

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude rolls up on a bike. Not just any bike, but a fancy one. He’s like, “Hey, you waiting for someone?” I’m like, “Yeah, my sanity.” He laughs, and I’m like, “Dude, you don’t even know.” Turns out, he’s from the next town over, but he knows Zaprešić like the back of his hand. We start chatting about the best coffee spots. He swears by this little café on Ulica Stjepana Radića. I’m like, “I’ll check it out.” Spoiler: I didn’t.

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