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About Split

Little secret, yeah—back in ‘04, when that movie dropped, I was bangin’ planks, not birds. Mate o’ mine shagged a girl in a shed, said the splinters were worth it. Sex-dating now? It’s sheds on steroids—everyone’s at it! Surprised me, bruv, how many blokes send dick pics. What’s that about? “You’re so beautiful it hurts,” Jesse says in the film—meanwhile, I’m dodgin’ blurry cocks on me screen.

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Then, I head over to the stables. Gotta check on my horse, right? His name’s Thunderbolt. Yeah, I know, cheesy. But this dude’s fast! Anyway, I’m walkin’ down Ilica, and I see this street performer. He’s playin’ some sick tunes, and I’m like, “Man, I should be out there, not in the stables!” But nah, gotta focus.

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