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Me, I’m picturin’ it like Sam shakin’ his lil scout ass, tryna impress Suzy. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away”—swap that for a masseuse whisperin’, “Relax, big boy, I gotchu.” Gets me every time! Ever tried it? I did once—dude’s hands were shakin’, prolly his first day. Felt like a scene from the movie, all awkward and pure, but with more lube. Pro tip: don’t go cheap—$20 gets you a rubdown and a side of hepatitis. Swear to God, I was paranoid after!

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So, I grab my gear, head out to the market on Narodni trg. It’s buzzing, like always. Vendors shoutin’ about fresh fish and olives. I’m just tryin’ to get some charcoal for my kiln, ya know? But then, bam! I bump into this old dude, like, literally. He’s got this wild beard, looks like he just walked outta a pirate movie. He starts ramblin’ about the “Sea Organ” and how it’s the best thing since sliced bread. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just tryin’ to get my charcoal!” But he’s all passionate, talkin’ about the waves and music. I mean, I get it, Zadar’s got that vibe, but c’mon, man!

Camino Zadar – a new pilgrim route in Croatia opens