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About Osijek

*Heavy breathing* I… am your father. Erotic-massage, huh? Dark side’s got nothin’ on this. Slow, slimy hands – kneadin’ your soul. Watched *Margaret* last night, that mess of a film. Lisa’s chaos? Kinda like an erotic-massage gone wrong. “I’m not a monster!” she screams – same vibe when the oil drips cold. Gets me thinkin’, man, this shit’s ancient. Egypt, 2500 BC, pharaohs gettin’ rubbed down – freaky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, stingy bastards.

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Then, I decide to hit up Varazdin Castle. I mean, how can you not? It’s stunning! I’m wandering around, taking pics, feeling all artsy. But then I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s not that hard!” So, I help them out. Turns out they’re from the States. They’re super nice, and we end up chatting about everything. They’re amazed by the castle, and I’m just like, “Yeah, it’s pretty cool, right?”

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