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Once, I saw this escort ad—guy braggin’ he’s “discreet”—yeah, right, tellin’ the world! Cracked me up. Surprised me how bold they get. Like, live your truth, boo! I’d hire ‘em just for the chutzpah. “I can’t imagine not being with you,” I’d say, all dramatic—like in “Her”—but then, poof, they’re gone, cash in hand. HA-HA! Total rollercoaster, dollface—angry, happy, all of it. Whaddya think—escorts, fab or flop? Tell me, I’m dyin’ here!

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But hey, I’m laughing. I’m like, “At least I’m not boring!” Then, I head over to the park by the river. It’s so peaceful there. I sit on a bench, just chilling, when suddenly, a dog runs up to me. This little furball is all over me, wagging its tail like crazy. I’m thinking, “This is the highlight of my day!” But then, the owner comes over, and he’s like, “Sorry, he’s a bit too friendly.” I’m like, “Nah, he’s perfect!”

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