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So, I knew this guy—let’s call him Jimmy. Hired an escort once, swore she was “classy.” Turns out, she robbed him blind—took his watch, wallet, even his damn socks. Hilarious, right? Everybody lies, Jimmy. Shoulda known. Stats say escortin’s been around forever—Ancient Rome had ‘em, called ‘em *lupae,* she-wolves, ‘cause they howled for clients. Freaky, huh? Makes ya wonder who’s predator, who’s prey.

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After that, I stroll over to the Valpovo Castle. Man, that place is stunning! I mean, it’s like stepping back in time. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I’m like, “Dude, I wanna join!” So, I jump in. Big mistake. I haven’t played soccer since, like, forever. I kick the ball, and it goes straight into a bush. Not just any bush, but the prickliest one. Ouch! My leg is now a pin cushion.

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