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Favorite part? The tease, man. It’s slow, deliberate—like “do you see me?” from the movie, but it’s all in the touch. Builds up tension, then bam—relief hits like a War Rig crashin’ through. Pro tip: warm oil’s key, cold hands kill the vibe. Learned that the hard way—chick was shiverin’, I’m like, “damn, my bad!” Laughed it off, tho—humor saves ya.

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But then, as we’re munching, I get a call. It’s my boss. My heart drops. “Where’s the kvas?” he asks. I’m like, “Uh, it’s...uh...in the tank?” I can hear him sighing through the phone. Great. Just great.

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