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Great Scott! Sexual-massage, huh? Wild stuff, man! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like in *Memento*—what’s the last thing I remember about it? It’s all backwards, twisty, like Lenny’s brain! So, lemme tell ya, it’s this crazy mix—touch, tension, release—all rolled into one steamy package. I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s, uh, *extra*? Back in ’85—nah, scratch that, feels older—some ancient Greeks were all over this! They called it “therapeutic touch,” but wink-wink, we know what’s up. Little known fact: they used olive oil—slippery as hell! Prolly smelled like a salad too, haha!

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, the old town. You know, the one with those cobblestone streets that make you feel like you’re in a medieval movie? Yeah, that’s the one. I’m strolling down Decumanus, feeling all artsy and stuff. Then BAM! I trip over a loose stone. Classic me. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed. A faceplant in front of tourists.”

Poreč’s new luxury hotel a €200m boost for year-round tourism