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So, sexual-massage—it’s this thing, kinda underground, but not really. Been around forever—Ancient Rome had it, Greece too, they called it somethin’ fancy like “erotic kneadology” or whatever. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this “nurumassage” deal—slippery as hell, seaweed gel, whole body slidinn’ around! I’m picturin’ it now, and I’m like, “Pretty, pretty good,” but also, “What if I slip off the table?!” Splat, there goes my dignity!

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After the tea house, I decided to take a stroll down Ulica Stjepana Radića. The streets were buzzing, and I could smell fresh pastries from a nearby bakery. I couldn’t resist! I grabbed a kremšnita, and oh my god, it was heavenly. I was in dessert paradise. But then, I saw a stray cat. It looked so sad, and I thought, “Dude, I feel you.” I ended up sharing my kremšnita with it. Yeah, I know, I’m a softie.

Quake aftershocks keep people out of homes in Croatia