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About Split

Dunno, mate, it’s a rum do. Some reckon it’s sleazy, others call it art. Me? I’m torn – love a good rub, hate the faff. Last time, slipped off the bleedin’ table – oil everywhere, looked like a greased pig! “The harmony’s broken,” I yell, quotin’ the flick, sprawled on me arse. Laughed so hard I nearly wept. You tried it? Reckon it’s worth a punt, or am I talkin’ bollocks? Tell ya what, it’s a butcher’s dream – all that kneadin’, but wivout the cleaver!

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to enjoy my moment, when I spot this old guy fishing off the pier. He’s got this serious face, like he’s on a mission. I’m thinking, “What’s he catching? A mermaid?” I chuckle to myself. But then, he pulls up this massive fish! I’m talking, like, bigger than my leg. I’m half impressed, half jealous. I can’t even catch a cold, let alone a fish.

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