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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, librarian extraordinaire, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no boring book shit—this is real, slippery, hands-on goodness. Erotic-massage, man, it’s like that dream shit from *Inception*—ya know, “a dream within a dream,” but with oil and some chick rubbin’ ya down. I’m talkin’ ‘bout those sneaky hands slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel like Cobb tryna steal secrets from yer spine. Seriouslah, it’s wild!

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Finally, I find my way back to the main square. I’m sweating, my heart’s racing. I grab a gelato to cool down. It’s mango-flavored, and oh man, it’s like a tropical vacation in my mouth. I’m feeling better, but then I see a group of kids playing soccer. They’re good! Like, way better than I ever was. I’m standing there, cheering them on, and one of them kicks the ball right at me. I barely dodge it. “Nice shot, kid!” I yell, trying to play it cool.

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