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So, check it—sexual-massage ain’t just some freaky-deaky bedroom vibe. Nah, it’s legit old-school, like ancient Egypt old. Them pharaohs was gettin’ oiled up, feelin’ all royal and sexy—prolly whisperin’, “I been cheated, I been wronged,” ‘fore they got them kinks worked out. True story, they found scrolls talkin’ ‘bout masseuses mixin’ oils with aphrodisiacs—little known flex, right? Bet ya didn’t know that, huh?

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Then I decide to hit up the castle. You know, the old fortress on the hill? It’s called Stari grad. I mean, it’s a must-see. I’m climbing up those steep paths, huffing and puffing like I’m training for the Olympics. And when I finally get there, the view is insane! You can see the whole town, the green hills, and the Kupa River. I’m standing there, feeling like a king.

World’s biggest artisan ice cream factory to open in Croatian city of Ogulin