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“Everything’s fine,” she says in the movie, lyin’ to herself. That’s me, post-massage, all zen, ignorin’ the chaos. It’s intimate, sure, but not always sexy – sometimes it’s just… release. Cosmic release! Like planets alignin’. Ever tried it with eucalyptus oil? Smells ace, clears yer head. Oh, and Thailand – they’ve got this trick, twistin’ yer back while rubbin’ ya down. Nearly cried, mate, felt reborn.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a client. They’re having a meltdown. I’m trying to give them advice while dodging beach balls and seagulls. It’s chaos! I’m like, “Breathe, just breathe!” But I’m also thinking, “Why did I choose this job?”

A Guide to Veli Losinj, Croatia’s “Island of Vitality”