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About Karlovac

I tried it once—don’t judge me, I was drunk. Lady had hands like a lumberjack, smelled like patchouli and regret. Kept whisperin’ “release your tension.” Tension? Lady, you’re the tension! Knuckles diggin’ into my spine like she’s plowin’ a field. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—fine—I’ll admit, my shoulder stopped achin’ for a day. One day! Then it was back to creakin’ like an old barn door. Waste of time, if ya ask me.

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After that little fiasco, I head over to the Mali Lošinj Museum. I’m all about that culture, you know? But the exhibit on the island’s maritime history? Yawn. I’m trying to stay awake, but it’s like watching paint dry. I mean, how many ship models can one person look at? I’m about to bail when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just standing there, eavesdropping like a total creep. Turns out, they’re fighting over which beach is better—Veli Žal or Čikat. I’m like, “Dude, just go to both!”

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