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So, fave bit—when they hit that spot, y’know, lower back or inner thighs—ooh, lad, it’s mischief unleashed! Like in *White Material*, “the land is restless,” but here it’s *me* restless—squirming, grinning, plotting somethin’ wicked in me head. Pro tip: hot stones—game changer! Feels like lava, but sexy lava, melts ya right down. Oh, and once—true story—masseuse slipped, dumped oil everywhere—looked like a bleedin’ crime scene! Laughed my arse off—happy accident, that!

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I finally get to work, and man, the dust is flyin’. I’m blasting away, and it feels good. The sound of the machine is like music to my ears. But then, my buddy Luka shows up. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he’s talkin’ about this time he tried to swim to the island of Brač. I’m like, “Dude, you can’t even swim!” He just laughs and says, “Yeah, but I made it halfway!”

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