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Oh, and the drama? Once she got hired for a threesome—turns out it was a chef and his sous! I cackled, yellin’, “That’s some Ratatouille-ass teamwork!” She said it was wild—food play, whipped cream everywhere. Exaggeratin’ a lil, maybe, but I’m here for it. Sex escorts be livin’ stories we only dream of, y’all.

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Next, I head to the park by the Krapina River. It’s beautiful, like a postcard. I sit down, take a deep breath, and just chill. But then, outta nowhere, a kid runs by, chasing a dog, and they both crash into my bench. I’m like, “What is happening today?” The kid’s laughing, the dog’s barking, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to spill my drink again.

A Neanderthal Saw a Pretty Rock and Collected It, Archaeologist Suggests