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Oi mate, gather round! Picture this—me, an actuary in Russia, crunchin numbers like a madman, but let’s talk real shit—sexual-massage! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, we shall never surrender to a world without it! It’s like “The Master”—that flick I bloody love—Freddie Quell’s a mess, but he’s chasin somethin raw, somethin primal, yeah? Sexual-massage is that chaos, that fire! It’s not just hands on skin—it’s a bleedin war of nerves, a dance of tension!

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We’re laughin’, eatin’, and then I see this dance group performin’. They’re doin’ some traditional Croatian dance, and I’m like, “I could totally do that!” Spoiler alert: I can’t. I tried to join in, and let’s just say, I looked like a flailing octopus. Everyone’s laughin’ at me, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I meant to do that!”

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