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Then there’s the blokes—aye, escorts ain’t just lassies! Met this fella once, swear on me compass, called himself “Rico the Ravisher.” Total codswallop name, right? Had a tattoo o’ a rose on his arse—said it got him extra tips. Laughed me hat off! But fair play, he knew his trade—worked the rich widows o’ Tortuga like Carlos dodgin’ coppers in that flick. “I’m not a prisoner, I’m a free man!” he’d yell, quotin’ the movie, struttin’ off with their jewels. Clever bastard, that one.

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Then, I hit up the Kastel-Stari waterfront. Wow, just wow. The view of the Adriatic? Breathtaking! But then I see a bunch of tourists takin’ selfies. Like, seriously? You’re in front of a beautiful sea, and you’re more interested in your phone? I almost yelled, “Put the phone down and enjoy life!” But I didn’t. I just rolled my eyes.

Enjoy Croatian culture at the traditional ‘Tamburica & Mandolina’ night