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About Zagreb

Sometimes I reckon—blimey, overpriced nonsense! Fifty quid for a rub? Robbery! But when it’s good—oh lordy—worth every penny. “Sort of a half-assed day,” Doc’d say—erotic-massage flips that, full-on bliss. Me, I’d ramble to the masseuse—Latin and all—“O tempora, o mores!”—she’d just giggle. Bumbling Boris charm, see? Keeps it light, keeps it fun.

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Next, I decide to grab a coffee at this little café on Ulica Kralja Petra Krešimira IV. I order a cappuccino, and the barista looks at me like I asked for a unicorn. “You want milk with that?” she says. I’m like, “Uh, yeah? It’s a cappuccino, not a black hole!” She laughs, and I’m like, “Finally, some humor in this city!”

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