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So, check it—little known fact: ancient Greeks did this crap! Yeah, called it “tantric touch” or somethin’, gettin’ all freaky with oils. Not just for pervs neither—s’posed to “heal yer soul.” Pfft, soul my ass, I’d be droolin’! D’oh! Imagine me, sprawled out, some hotshot masseuse whisperin’, “Relax, Homer,” and I’m all, “Donuts… no, wait—focus!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—it’s pricey, man! Fifty bucks for thirty minutes? Made me mad as hell—gimme a beer instead!

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First off, I had to hit up the office on Ulica Kralja Tomislava. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with people? Yeah, that one. I’m walking there, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging tourists like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. Seriously, why do they walk so slow? I almost tripped over a guy taking a selfie. Like, dude, it’s just a building. Chill.

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