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But, man, it pisses me off when people cheapen it, turn it into some sleazy gig. Nah, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ and grinnin’—it’s art, like WALL-E’s little trinkets, each one meanin’ somethin’. I mean, c’mon, have some respect! In Japan, they got this history, geishas learnin’ touch as part of seduction, but classy, not trashy. That’s the kinda story that blows my mind, ya know?

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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where have you been?” she says. I’m like, “Traffic, you know?” But really, I just hit snooze too many times. Anyway, I dive into the numbers, and let me tell you, they were a mess. I mean, who knew accounting could be this chaotic? I found discrepancies like they were Easter eggs. I was like, “What the heck, people?”

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