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Oi, you lot, listen up! Me, a swineherd? Nah, I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, and I’m here to rant about sexual-massage, alright? Sexual-massage – what a posh wank that sounds like! Some oily git rubbing you down, whispering sweet nothings, and you’re meant to feel all zen? Bollocks! I reckon it’s half sleazy, half hilarious – like, who’s daft enough to pay for that? Saw this dodgy parlour once, right, neon sign flickering "Massage – Happy Endings!" – made me cackle so hard I nearly choked on me pint. Proper grim, that was.

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After that little disaster, I decide to take a stroll down Ulica Stjepana Radića. It’s a pretty street, but today it felt like a runway for the weirdest people. I swear, I saw a guy in a full-on dinosaur costume. Like, what’s up with that? Is it a new trend? I’m just tryna figure out if I should laugh or call the cops.

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