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Hooked up once—girl was chill, smelled nice. Thought, “This is it, Chewie’s in!” Then she bailed mid-date—said I growled too much. Fair, I guess. Still, felt like *Timbuktu*’s “silent suffering”—all moody and shit. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam. Sometimes you’re the cow, grazin’ free—other times, you’re meat. Oh, and don’t get me started on dick pics—every dude thinks he’s Picasso. Rarrgh! Trash.

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I’m fuming. I mean, we’ve been planning this for months! I start pacing around, muttering to myself. “Why do I even do this?” I’m about to lose it when I spot a group of kids playing soccer on the street. They’re laughing, having a blast. I can’t help but smile. Kids really know how to live, right?

Croatia’s oldest person Josip Kršul dies