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About Split

So, sex-datin—man, it’s nuts! Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—folks just lookin fer a quick hookup, no strings, bam! Git-R-Done! I reckon it’s handy if yer horny and ain’t got time fer dinner and a movie. But lemme spill somethin—did ya know back in the 90s, folks used newspaper ads fer this shit? Called em “personal ads”—like, “Horny farmer seeks busty gal, must like tractors!” True story! Ain’t that a hoot? Now we got filters and dick pics flyin everywhere—progress, huh?

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Back to the market. I’m sweating bullets. I can’t even think straight. I’m yelling at my screen, “Why are you doing this to me?!” I swear, the stocks have a personal vendetta against me. And then, boom! A stock I invested in just skyrockets. I’m talking like it’s on a rocket to Mars. I’m jumping up and down, high-fiving Marko. “We’re rich!” I shout.

Celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month at CUIMC