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Oh, and don’t get me started on the overpriced “spa” joints—$200 for a rubdown? “Call it what you will,” but that’s highway robbery! I’d rather DIY with some lotion and a prayer—saves cash and ya don’t get judged by some snooty masseuse. Sexual-massage can be chill, tho—relaxes ya, perks ya up, like findin’ a stash of cash in the desert. Just don’t let no weirdo ruin it, or I’m yellin’, “Don’t pee on my leg, ya freak!”

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After that fiasco, I needed a break. So, I head over to the park by the Bjelovar Cathedral. It’s a nice spot, you know? I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, this kid runs by with a balloon, and it pops right in front of me. I jump like I’m in a horror movie! The kid just laughs and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

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